Saturday, 9 March 2013

Les Miserable, The Walking Dead and why I am the least cool person in the world.

I got invited along to the cinema with some friends to see Les Miserable last night. So I went - cause that's the crazy kind of devil-may-care rogue I am.

I wasn't sure if I'd like it or not.  I'm not averse to a musical - my daughter, Ciorstaidh and youngest son, James went to see  American Idiot the Musical in Edinburgh last year and it was mind-blowingly brilliant, but I didn't really know much about Les Miserable. However, on entering the cinema and noting that everyone looked about my age and roughly my sex, my concerns regarding how this was going to pan out increased dramatically.
My fears were confirmed when it turned out to be pish - it rated about 45 on my bollocks-o-metre and that only goes up to 46 - AND WORSE - I was going to be missing  The Walking Dead because of it. So,because I can be fairly irrational sometimes (quite often really), I sort of got fixated by my annoyance at the woman in front of me who had draped her coat - that's coat not jacket - over the back of her chair (who the hell does that in a cinema!!), it was infringing on my limited personal space, which was more limited that usual because I was wearing a favourite pair of boots that seldom get an outing because they are particularly ludicrous - not my most ludicrous, that award goes to my gold and black knee length platforms - but bad enough. Normally, it seems, at 4'10" I am the only person cinemas, aeroplanes etc are designed for (as 6'2" husband tells me) but these boots I had on - leopard print fabric with gold stilettos which can only be worn with a keen sense of the absurd if not irony - have extremely long pointed toes, hence the spacial issues I referred to.

I'd like to say we left after an hour in protest but that wouldn't be true.  We did leave after an hour but it was because one of our party - and here, for once, I will be kind and not name any names - threw up spectacularly.  It was one of those fabulous moments when the brain can come up with nothing better than "! - ? - !" then maybe, "Whathefu!!". But we dealt with it swiftly, leaving our fellow cinema goers and poor staff with the gentle aroma of stomach juices and partly digested food to add some atmosphere to the film.  I'm not sure if the member of our party had a bug or is just an extremely harsh critic - either way - I am grateful to her - not only did I get home in time for the Walking Dead, not only did she miss my lovely boots but that poor woman won't be draping her coat over the back of any more cinema seats in a hurry!!

And why, you might ask, does this make me the least cool person in the world - am I confessing that twas I who up-chucked - no - I am the least cool person in the world because I had - not one - but two sick bags in my handbag, stored there for just such an emergency.  It almost brought a tear to my eye to see them finally fulfil their destiny in the taxi home.

In other news - the last pages of my book are being checked over this weekend and I am going to be spending this "Two All -less" time trying to work out how I go about getting a cover for it.

And there was no question what today's tune had to be - The Used "Pretty Handsome Awkward".

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