Monday, 1 April 2013

Armageddon or April Fools ???

Today the unspeakable was uttered - (please cover your eyes if you are easily disturbed) - the newspapers aren't going to be getting flown to the island first thing (at huge cost - enviromentally and otherwise) but will instead not come until
                                                THE AFTERNOON FERRY!!!

The world is clearly on its last legs. Personally, I'm keeping a wee eye out for horsemen, numbering four, galloping in a downwards direction - and if the poster I used to have as a teenager is right, all looking like a good feed wouldn't do them any harm. There will be anarchy and rioting on the street - (note singular). In fact, most people have  seemed quite resigned, only had to get the smelling salts out for a couple of people.

As anyone who read my earlier post on the tabloid press knows - I HATE THE BLOODY THINGS!!!! Trivia mongering heaps of horse manure. In my book "Two All -All for One" - (in case anyone had forgotten) I refer to them as the beautiful assistants in the authorities magic act - guaranteed to keep everyone looking in the other direction while real issues are secreted away on pages 4 plus and before the sports section. Huh, that is all supposing mention is made at all and then whatever the problem may be will more than likely be blamed on "immigrants", gay people, young hoodlums or health and safetly/enviromental health gone mad. GRRRR - blood...reaching...boiling point!

However, no sooner had I warned all our regulars about this change in schedule as of next Monday and told our suppliers of everything else that we wouldn't be picking up until early pm, than someone suggested it may all be an April Fools joke.

Well, if it is, I can guarantee the joker will be breathing their last from places in their body they had no idea air could escape from.

Tune: Aidan - "Die Romantic"


  1. Well, I called Billy the newsdude and he says it is true, so unles there is some grand highly amusing conspirancy.... Trouble is A, if we don't get the papers people will just go elsewhere and we're truly stuffed. I'm just hoping I can talk my lovely van drivers in to early pm pick-ups for the stupid papers, plus coop, stag and the rest...... We can't afford two trips a day - too expensive in diesel and volunteer fatigue. Ps. are you okay for this Wed (normal time?) PPS: we'll ritually burn the mail on your day! I get the rest to torch the rest of the week!!!

  2. You forgot to add 'benefit cheats' to the list of people to blame ;-)

  3. Oh and single parents - was reading about "Daily Mail land" in Christopher Brookmeyer's "Bedlam" last night - a story about a guy being trapped in computer games and travelling through these various world's he comes upon this particularly offensive place - he is such a brilliant satirical writer - didn't know whther to allow my blood to boil over or just laugh my ass off!

  4. I like your blog, read a few posts!