Yep, that was this week.
Started with HM Revenue and Customs. I love them. No - I do. Any time I have had to deal with them they have been perfectly lovely (I'm self-employed so have to self-assess and I am allergic to small print and reading instructions - also mushrooms and prawns - so I phone them instead and get them to tell me what to tick). Well, the wee souls sent me a letter this week to tell me they are investigating me because, apparently, I have earned a very large amount of interest on a Cooperative bank bond or similar and didn't declare it. OOPSY, I'm sooo naughty - Hey! wait though - I don't have a Cooperative bank bond or similar,
HM Customs: You sure Dorothy, me ol' mucker.
Dorothy (aka "me"): Fairly - let me just phone my Mum and my husband......oh and my secret admirers.........nope, Mum says no, Big Cal says no and the secret admirers told me to stop stalking them.
HM Customs: Oh........this is embarrassing because, well, Coop bank says you do.
Me: Really? Hey Coop Bank.
Coop Bank: Yes D, how the hell are you?
Me: Fine, but that's none of your business since I don't deal with you at all - do I?
Coop Bank: ........neither you do.....
Me: SO WHY THE HELL DID YOU GRASS ME OFF TO HM CUSTOMS FOR INTEREST ON A BOND OR SIMILAR THAT I DON'T HAVE?
Coop bank: ?
(PS - the Coop Bank were very nice and helpful too)
Two behemoths down - one to go - only the last one is a possible employer and last night I told them where to shove their stupid application form because it so royally annoyed me......
Hmm - me thinks the score is possibly Dorothy 2 Behemoths 1
TUNE!!! Rise Against "Disparity By Design" from End Game