Friday, 26 July 2013

GUESS WHAT I'VE GOT?!

GUYS, GUYS!!! YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT!!! I'VE GOT ANOTHER 5 STAR REVIEW FOR MY BOOK!!!!!!!!!!

How mental is that!  Let me copy and paste it for you, my dears:

Unique, funny, poignant and a great read, 26 July 2013
By 

Amazon Verified Purchase(What is this?)

This review is from: Two All - All For One (Kindle Edition)
If you like something different and brilliantly written, you'll love Two All - All For One. I don't know if this is the author's first novel but I haven't come across her before. Anyway she's a welcome addition to my list of favourite authors.

THAT'S WHAT IT SAYS!

Now I've figured out this copying and pasting thing you speak of - here's my others - (this is so fun - it's like school prize giving where you actually get something - speaking from someone from the vintage where it was not required of the staff to come up with a reason for every idiot to get a prize: "and for being able to walk up right, mostly - the prize goes to..... " - who'd be a teacher now you can't belt the little ..........clearly it wasn't a profession I ever considered.  My hat comes off to the patient sons of bitches).

5.0 out of 5 stars Great stuff, 6 July 2013

By 
Sam Deane (Stornoway, UK) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase(What is this?)

This review is from: Two All - All For One (Kindle Edition)
Near-future political drama with more than a dash of the supernatural, this is an excellent debut from a new Scottish author. Plenty of dark humour, a nod towards Brookmyre, perhaps even a hint or two of the much-missed Mr Banks, but definitely an original voice for all that.

Well worth checking out!

5.0 out of 5 stars Great read, 3 July 2013


Amazon Verified Purchase(What is this?)

This review is from: Two All - All For One (Kindle Edition)
It may be somewhat bonkers but I really enjoyed this book. Very engaging I think one would say. Top marks for Dorothy


OKAY - THAT'S JUST HOW GREAT MY BOOK IS!  Flaming heck............all I can think about is pride coming before a fall - that is so protestant of me, or Scottish, or female, or human or something............
My friend Chris Ward - he of the Tube Riders trilogy, as previously linked, told me you know when you're doing well when you get your first bad review because it will be from another indie author who's bitching.......man......dreading that first one, will have to try so hard not to fall into a pit of despair from which I would barely claw my way out. And even if I made it, I would be a shell, nay, a membrane, of my former bullish self.  Ah, feck, probs a good thing, character building and all that. NOT!!!

Have a good weekend y'all, as our cousins in the Deep South would have it.  I, personally, will spend the weekend making people I know hear me recite my newest 5* review, as I did with my others :)

Thank you Andrea, Sam and now Rosedew :)))

TUNE: Fall Out Boy - The Pheonix

Help other customers find the most

Tuesday, 23 July 2013

I Know My Place - oh and a Birth.....

Got asked to do a wee bit about my book - Two All - All for One, for our local magazine Seanchais - it's really good - the magazine, not my bit..........my bit may not even make it to print. I think the editor (a lovely man named Donald Murray) made it clear - subtley - that I would be bumped if out turbine does anything. Myself - I fully admire the man's priorities!

Oh, yeah and a friend of mine's wife had a baby - their first - which is nice - and we aren't all going to have to pay for him to live in luxury for the rest of his life. And I will also bet big money that he won't WON'T be called anything with Roman numerals after his name. :)

Saturday, 20 July 2013

Hot, Sweaty and Covered in Flies.

Yes, today I was all of the above - but not "hot" in a good way, not "hot" as in "sexy" (the boat hasn't just sailed on that one, it didn't even realise it was supposed to push-off from the pier, it's still sitting there in a life-jacket, clutching a sick bag going: "let me know when it's my turn.........someone). No, this was hot as in: the sun is shining and heating the world up and I am exuding a noxious liquid from my forehead, etc and it seems to be attracting flies. They were even hanging from my fringe like really annoying buzzing acrobats or extremely precocious small children going: what's behind your sunglasses? Can I go behind your sunglasses? Oo, oo, can I go up your nose/ in your ears? Why did you swipe at me? What did you just squish Frank for - he was only being a hugely annoying, buzzing bastard!

Okay, yep, that was me doing the grass - nightmare. It is usually, these days, Mr Unbound's job (once I stopped him cataloguing the blades - I told him issue 1 was long gone - comic book widows - there are no male equivalents  - will get that), but given his back - see previous post - he couldn't mow the grass. So I did it. And all I could think about, as those infuriating, buzzing wee snotters were getting in my face, on my arms and hand and getting stuck in my hair, was the sea - the freezing cold, aquamarine, twinkling, glittering, face-slapping, clear, clean, sea.

Order of events: grass-cutting, quick sandwich, run to beach (The Traigh Mhor - not far - about 2 miles from the Unbound domain), run along the back of the dunes (c 1 mile), end of dunes,
kit off ( bathing costume was underneath, I promise)  and down into the beautiful briny............................man alive, I swear there was a sizzling sound when I went under.............................................................:)))))))) I swam and played about in the waves for about half an hour.

"Pardon! You are,  are you not, an adult female, in the 40+ grouping, and yet you - by your own admission - were, and I quote: 'playing about in the sea' - on you own!!"

 Okay, I know that that may sound odd, but here's the thing: my children are pretty much past the age for playing in the sea with me so does that mean I can no longer do it? Okay, it might seem a bit strange, and I thought it might feel strange - but it didn't!  If you enjoy doing something not doing it because other people aren't, is ridiculous.  OH FLIP!  - ahem - to qualify; there are exceptions to this. [ DON'T SUE ME!!!]

........and then I ran/walked home.................

Such a perfect day.............(apart from the stupid flies)

Tune: Billy Talent "Man Alive" (it's extremely appropriate)

Friday, 19 July 2013

Two Announcements re Height and Wankers.

Hello people of the world.  I, Dorothy Ross MacIver, author of such renowned novels as Two All - All For One, have an announcement to make.....no, wait.....I have TWO announcements to make.

1: People have become too tall for their own good, and

2: There's a lot of wankers about.        

(wonder if that's just a coincidence..........?)

Okay, on point one, to lay out the ground work here, see below a picture that my family thought was very funny:
  This is me (about seven years ago, when I still thought it was okay to go around in public wearing jewellery I'd made, and being over-exposed in photographs).  What, apart from the obvious, was so funny, oh, just this: me and Neanderthal man are the same height!  That 4' 10" people - FOUR FOOT AND TEN INCHES.

Okay, well........now the last laughs are rolling in because dear husband (Mr Unbound), 6'2", is completely incapacitated with his back this week - COMPLETELY - it's "mental" it's so sore  - that's an official diagnosis from a health professional.......... well, I did used to work at a vets.  The doctor was a tad more erudite - granted - and she isn't banned from prescribing drugs.

MY CONCLUSION: people have gotten too tall; they have out-grown their spines' capacities to hold them up.  Maybe, tall and gangly would be okay, just, but tall and a comic book collector - hmmm  - definitely pushing your luck.  And what do I have!? A bunion.  Why do I have a bunion? (a bunion is where the joint at the base of your big toe starts skooshing out to the side) because in a world of malformed people over 5 foot I have to stand on my tip toes all the time to see what the hell is going on. Take, for a mundane example, my own kitchen cupboards:

Me (to work men): Lads, not up there - I won't even be able to see what's on the top shelf.
Lads: Har de har har!! Ah, Mrs M - you're a card.
Me:  No lads, really.
Lads: Ah go on now, ya wee glove puppet person, and make us a cup of tea.
Me: I can't reach the fecking teabags!

Shelves are at a standard fucking too high for the perfectly formed human being to see on. On the plus side: I can't see what unholy crud is up there.

So, that's announcement number one - people are too tall for their spines and God/ or the Mother of Wisdom (or god/ or the goddess or the gods/goddesses or chubby blokes in loin clothes) need to go back to the drawing board.

Announcement No. 2:  There's a lot of wankers about.  Well there is, that's not even just rude, it's true.. I have seen at least 3 convertibles going through Tolsta this week - that's three car loads of wankers and up town (aka Stornoway) is full of strangers because it's the Heb Celtic Music Festival (not going myself - not my musical bag).  Mind you, as it was REALLY hot in Stornoway today and someone I know was going around in a full length fish-tail, pin-striped skirt, complete with lace-up, knee length boots, black shirt and waistcoat and that someone was me - then - let he who is without the first wanker stone cast it..... ah, hell - at least I didn't have a "muffin top" hanging out, swinging in the summer breeze!!!

 To anyone who might by some chance read this and who's at the Heb Celt festival this weekend - have a great time!!

TUNE: "Are You Sleepin' Maggie" - by The Tannahill Weavers from the LP Tannahill Weavers from the days when Dougie MacLean (now best known as a singer/song writer and headlining at the Heb Celt) was that most noble of creatures - the fiddle player! ( eh, Susie from Ullapool!)  Sorry, no

Friday, 12 July 2013

BS PC, Moonbows and Shortbread Tins.

(The following, originally posted last night, has been edited due to excessive rambling brought on by coming home from work, going for a run and then having a dram, but completely forgetting to do the eating dinner part of the routine - oops - apologies.  I would say it won't happen again, but it probably will :) Okay, this week things happened - did things happen for you?  Here's mine: 116 people downloaded my book; I became a Post Mistress (not a temporary one but a real one - which is just as well, seeing as all those books were free) - oh, and really - I'm a Post Master - but I'm not having that - that is so much more sexist than calling me a Post Mistress. I am a Post Mistress and I don't give a flip about any S&M connotations  - just try whipping me ands see who's feeling sexy after the repercussions.

Also - the sun shone and the sky was incredible.

I'm from the Ullapool (Western Highands - FFS!!!!! OF SCOTLAND, where else - have I ever mention gorillas before - so it's not the Vietnamese Highands! I'm fairly sure I'd be a TAD more interesting if I was from there - jeeeeeez, - keep up with my tediousness) so views for me  - growing up - included every perfect thing you could think of, (if you were thinking  "what do I want on my shortbread tin now Bonnie Prince Charlie has turned up his toes" - BTW - don't dis. BPC in my company........ever): lochs, trees, hills, scenic village, mists, fishing boats, mystical isles, - may hap - "Heiland coos" (someone who'd just moved in, was maybe trying them out, until they realised why no one else is keeping the buggers).... and the odd gimp in a kilt - ie: dude at a wedding or a tourist.

 In Lewis - home of the husband - a large part of views is SKY -  but what sky!!!  It's  like living in a marble -  you look left - horizon (except for a few bumps) - you look right (again, barring a few house-shaped bumps) nothing - a clear, perfect semi-circle over your head - IT IS fabulous,  rainbows are the balls - I've even seen a MOONBOW!! SO HAVE! Shades of grey! It was a Goth Rainbow :)


TUNE!! Mountains - Biffy Clyro

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Two-All-For-One-ebook/dp/B00D96UV3S/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1373661965&sr=1-1&keywords=dorothy+ross+maciver

Thursday, 11 July 2013

Well, F!*p Me - Cthulhu Mythos in a Can!

Was down the beach today with James - the youngest and still malleable one....
 
And found this!!!
 
Took it home for my eldest son, Angus, because I thought he'd love it - he seemed less than diverted.
Hey ho - beats the crap out of a heap of shells and a crab skeleton, if you ask me!
 
Oh, and in case you're wondering - it's a rusted up aerosol can of who knows what (hopefully nothing too toxic), which must have got pierced either before or after it's nautical adventure and the solidified orange stuff is it's erstwhile contents.

Sunday, 7 July 2013

A Mistake!!

I have now shifted 28 copies over the weekend in the Uk - but I forgot to check everywhere else - oops
USA 51 - Germany 7 - France, Japan, India and Canada one each!!!!!

Oh, man - these feelings of joy better abate soon or I'll loose my angry edge and start kissing babies!! :)

UNBELIEVABLY CHUFFED!!!

Guess what!! Since I started the free promotion on my book http://www.amazon.co.uk/Two-All-For-One-ebook/dp/B00D96UV3S/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1373225036&sr=1-1&keywords=dorothy+ross+maciver  I've "sold" 27  copies BUT, BUT   that's not even the good bit - well, obviously it's good - but the REALLY good bit is.....

I have TWO five star reviews!!!!!

THANK YOU ANDREA!!!

AND THANK YOU SAM - you couldn't have said anything that would have made me happierxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

TONIGHT, I love the world :))))))))

TUNE (with video link) has to be my all time favourite My Chemical Romance "Welcome to the Black Parade"

Saturday, 6 July 2013

POLTERGEIST ACTIVITY ON MY BLOG!!!!!

The "Unbound but never bowed" post under this one - no idea how it got there - it's from three weeks ago! :)

Friday, 5 July 2013

Still Unbound But Never Ever Bowed.

I've done it folks - I pressed the big yellow publish button.  TWO ALL - ALL FOR ONE will be available on kindle in about twelve hours.

     ohforfucksakesohforfucksakesohforfucksakes - what the hell have I done!! 

It wasn't ready - it was never going to be ready - I needed another thirty years to tinker with it!!  Just shoot me now.............

If you are out there and you read it - thanks for doing that. If you like it - please tell all your chums and review it on amazon, if you can be bothered.  If you read it and don't like it,  I can categorically assure you - I don't need to know.....no really....I do not need to know.


I've always loved writing, right up until I had sprogs who required Mum not to zone out and stick the teaspoon of food in their eye because my brain was elsewhere or leave them bobbing around in the bath because I needed a piece of paper and pen STAT.

When sprog two - he who shall be know for all time as Angus, was about 6 months, I started making jewellery, and it turned into a bit of a business. So between it and the three small people who had fallen out of me, I was quite busy.  Then about three years ago, thirteen years after starting the jewellery thing, I decided it was likely I may chuck-up if I every had make so much as an earring again!! 

However, this left a big gap and writing just crept back in again.  Sprogs no longer required me to be ever vigilant and ideas were forming themselves - most especially the character of the Guardian in Two All. 


She's always been around, I don't even know where her name came from - not "the Guardian", her real name (you'd have to read the book to find out what it is - she'd kill me if I spilt the beans at this stage - no she really would).  Then one day I was listening to an MCR song S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W/,  and I got this image of her in my head looking like a scarecrow: hung up, arms out, and I can remember thinking to myself: what happened to you? - and an idea of what had happened, turned up on queue.  Suddenly all these other disparate thoughts started making sense and linking up and that was it - the nearly three years of working on my story began.

I was tidying all the stuff away last night - all the Two All related things - to make a clean start for what's next (the sequel kindly made itself known to me, properly, night before last, at about 4am) and I came across the original first two drafts, both in long hand in a motley selection of notebooks from before I got my laptop.  I had a wee glance through,and was surprised how little has changed from the beginning, considering all the writing and re-writing I've done.

Please raise a glass and wish it luck :)
Yours, feeling a bit tense,

Dorothy Ross MacIver (author of Two All - All For One)

Tune: S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W - My Chemical Romance.

PS. Normal blogging will resume tomorrow :)

Boobs, Vampires, WindTurbines, Bums, Zombies, More Vampires - oh, in Shades of Grey, Chrysanthumums

MY BOOK IS FREE ON AMAZON FOR THIS WEEKEND ONLY  http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_0_12?url=search-alias%3Ddigital-text&field-keywords=dorothy+ross+maciver&sprefix=DOROTHY+ROSS%2Caps%2C240

........the "only" bit...it'll be free for three days again in about 90 days - I KNOW I SHOULDN'T SAY THAT - flipsakes, like I don't know that - but...subterfuge and I are not comfortable bed-fellows.

So, what have you got to loose? Two All - All For One will most definitely put a smile on your face (for lots of different reasons) - take it from a seriously jaded fuck - ME! 

As Mrs Doyle (Father Ted) would say: "Go on , go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on." :)

(So there's no misunderstanding with any other Father Ted fans out there - my book is NOT triangular - sorry - nor does it have directions to Ireland's largest lingerie section.)

And just to make it clear, none of the things listed in the title of this blog are actually mentioned in my book - they might be vaguely referred to but that's about it. What can I say googlers but  GOTCHA!!!!

:))))))

FRIDAY TUNE!!!!  Got to be one of the greatest videos ever (remember, I'm doing links now)
the FABULOUS Rammstein, SONNE - make your eyes and ears happy, and click on this link (after you've downloaded my book of course :))

PS: Should I ditch the plans about going into marketing d'you think? :)

Tuesday, 2 July 2013

My Sister, My Plan for Personal Improvement and other stuff

"Like winter with insects" - that's how my big sister, Katharine, described the summer so far - very apt.  She does create a vivid simile, the old big sis does. She once said taking her Jack Russell, Alfie, out was like walking a wasp on a string.  I sniggered every time I thought of that for ages afterwards.

On a different note entirely - I, personally, have decided to turn over a new leaf: I will no longer become incandescent with rage whenever something gets under my skin, instead, I will become iridescent with rage - won't that be nice?

My writer friend Chris Ward was telling me this evening (at least that's when I read the message) that he knows a writer who does 10K words A DAY.  Today, I think I got to 47 (ish) and them scribbled them out. Yes, I do mean scribbled, early stages requires longhand, a notebook in every room and quite a lot of rushing towards the nearest one going "don't speak to me, don't speak to me, don't speak to me" write, write, write - re-read two minutes later - scribble it all out, rip out page and throw it in the bin, take it out of the bin, straighten it out for another read, in case I was too hasty, bite it, throw it back in the waste receptacle and stomp off, having gone quite iridescent with rage.

For Mick and Bea - a tune with a link!  And not just a tune but a video, too.  Panic! At the Disco's Steampunk extravaganza: "The Ballad of Mona Lisa".