Thursday, 1 August 2013

My Disability


I DON'T DRIVE

Mostly because I never figured it out: swerve this, don't run into that, heavily bumping over things is bad, just because they were old doesn't make it okay - RULES!!!! 

My last driving instructor, Donnie Macleod - he of Donnie Macleod School of Motoring, Tolsta - was the best ever: at NO point did he throw himself out of the vehicle screaming; at no point did he start praying (audibly) AND when I pointed out I could not only not see the pavement in my rear view mirror but that only the sky was visible, did he scream: GET OUT OF MY VEHICLE FREAKISH DWARF WOMAN - which was a refreshing change.  We did have our differences, like when he thought I should "over-take" (as I think "term" is)  - a static bin lorry (the man's crazy!!) or when he thought that going over 40 miles an hour wasn't going to make our skeletons crumble to dust - lol!!! :) (dude needs to read the  science book c 1870 - it's all there).

 At 4'10", I am - indeed  - on the short side, the only disadvantage that I have encountered ( apart from finding driving a bit of an issue which I think has got a lot more to do with attention span and over active imagination than stature) is that I have a rather early on-set bunion from standing on my tip toes all my life to try and see what the hell everyone else was looking at.  Other difficulties are nothing a well placed chair, an ability to sew, a ladle (short people will get that) and a bit of imagination won't take care of - oh and being a bit bouncy.I I

 And not driving - phimf - means I walk everywhere or wait for stuff - so I'm fit, and I have time to contemplate - how bad is that. I can also be hugely smug about my environmental foot-fall.  I see all the beautiful flowers on the verge on the way to work and I give caterpillars time to get to the side, I don't just squish them because I don't see them, and nothing , nothing has ever died on my windscreen or front bumper:)

Hypocrisy disclaimer: it was raining tonight when I finished work and I wasn't suitably attired so I called my dear friend Joan - wife of Donnie "Bravest Son of the Road" Macleod to take me home - there's a time and place :)

Tune: The Used - Crawls like a Worm from a Bird.

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