Saturday, 3 August 2013

Words, Vitimin Tablets, Water and a bit of Biffy

Wrote 4000 words today, pretty pleased - well when I say "wrote" what I mean is transposed from my long hand draft, but then as I never stick to the script it doesn't count. Lordy, I will be very lucky if this doesn't take a hell of a lot longer than nearly three years like Two All.

A really funny thing happened this week - actually three plus really funny things happened this week.

Number one was that I started taking these well-womany vitiman thingy tablets because the doctor suggested it might be a good idea - won't bore you with why. Started taking them Friday before last and on Sunday morning pinged out of bed cleaned the fridge, rearranged the cupboards and wrote like a fiend all afternoon - and it wasn't bin-fodder (just as well as the bin was full of all the out-of-date crap from the fridge and cupboards - oops).  Considering taking the well-man tablets now because I could really do with erecting a selection of shelves, rustling some cattle, fighting  and mayhap growing a beard so I could find out what my actual hair colour is because I've forgotten - my mother romantically suggests chestnut - I'm thinking brown - yuck, I'll stick with too-old-for-it black :)

Oh yeah the funny things, well, a couple I can't tell because I am a responsible Post Mistress and confidentiality regarding everyone's affairs is my by-word - well, unless that person is me - obvs *snort*  - you're reading my blog!!

But this was really no.1 funny thing - so I went to the loo, as you do - I'd done all the shop bills and sorted invoices and reckoned I had an hour to work on my follow up to Two All (The Rise of the Dark Heart) and before starting I thought I'd arrange a wee cup of tea (green, of course) and a pee (not green - hopefully), so there I was - hygiene central myself, turning on the tap for a post-pee decontamination (don't know about you, but I've never pee-ed on my hands - any whoo) when the tap fell apart in my hand - in bits:

                                            WHOOSH!! WATER EVERYWHERE!!!

Now, this is quite a confined space, and I was wearing a quite confining skirt  into the bargain, and in my haste to get on I hadn't quite returned it to where it should be, so  there I was with one finger stuck in the tap hole and the other wiggling my favourite Gothic Rockabilly skirt into position while being sprayed sideways by the tap. What am I going to do!  What am I going to do! And  my lovely My Chemical Romance poster up in the loo to cheer me up if things aren't good, was getting soaked!  In the end there was no other option - I removed my friged digit and ran for the phone, ran back, replaced reluctant fore finger ( "I canna do it, Captain" - "You freaking can - it's what you were made for, my son.!") and called Paul : the conversation went thusly:

"PAUL, GET YOUR BUTT DOWN HERE - I NEED YOU RIGHT NOW!!!!!"

Poor fellow thought it was some sort of extreme, overly literal rough wooing but like the man he is,  he girded his loins and came anyway, after saying: "Put towels over it!" - "I don't having any freaking towels - stamps I have - towels - in the zero column!" - "Oh bloody hell" ( he's from the north of England so that was pronounced how it looks). 

Well, the upshot was a flooded back shop, one soaked Goth Rockabilly Post Mistress (trying for Steampunk but it's not always easy to wear and still handle sacks of coal - I've gotten my time piece caught in one too many boot-closing related incidents, and without my hat and goggles I just look weird :)); one soaked shop Chairman called Paul and a extremely cool and laid back neighbour and former Post Master, dearest Neil "Beag" MacKenzie - whose spring, which we share, I had just emptied. Twas Neil himself who pointed out where the stop cocks were (link? tempting).

Sorry I can't tell you the other stuff, but it doesn't star me making an arse of myself - it stars other people so...............

Have a good week and know your stop cocks (pheowrr!! one for the ladies!!)

Tune: Talking about "one for the ladies" here's:  Biffy Clyro "The Captain"

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