Today I bought a beaded curtain. I don't often buy stuff to decorate the house - I'm much more inclined to buy stuff to decorate me. I put it down to the time of the month - yep - it's nearly Halloween and people might visit.
Anyway, the beaded curtain. We have a door shaped gap between our kitchen (the old part of the house) and the utility room (part of the extension, which includes a shower room and our bedroom) and I have always felt it needed something. Something like a door but not a door because a door would have cut our bedroom off from the rest of the house, and we may not have heard the children's screams for help in the event of a disaster - for example: a zombie attack. Their cries for help echoing through the house could have been just enough to alert us to the danger, giving me and Cal adequate time to leg it out the back fastish, an actual door may have muffled the sounds......... it's what they would have wanted. So until this very day, the door shaped gap has remained just that.
But the gap has now been revolutionised - albeit in a kind of retro way. This event, however, has caused near hysteria here.
If you have read my blog before then you probably know I live with three men. Frequent readers and friends will know that this is nowhere near as cool and bohemian as I am inferring, since the men in question are my husband and two teenage sons - of whom, one is a man, one's on the cusp and one's a manlet - they are all; however, most definitely male. The introduction of the afore mentioned "beaded curtain" - oh, and a wholly innocuous rug on the other side of it - was certainly enough to make that clear. One is trying to pretend it isn't there; one wanted to know what it felt like when he was nearly nude and the other is pretending it is made of acid!! And I thought the cats were going to be the problem (my cats couldn't 'get' how a cat flap worked and I had to remove it -ffs). I presumed Sydney biscuits, who regulars will know as the family idiot cat and tic collector, would be the problem - he, in fact, has been the most Zen, my wee female, Jack Kirby, is so scared she's been hiding behind the couch since I put it up.
IT'S A BEADED CURTAIN - IT'S NOT A DECORATIVE ARRANGEMENT OF COBRAS NOR A SNIFTER OF THE WORLDS MOST LETHAL POISONS FOR US ALL TO HAVE A TASTE AND TELL SESSION WITH - IT IS NOT EVEN A DRIED OUT MONKEY'S PAW. IT IS..... it is a beaded curtain - all I ask is someone walks through it normally........oh, hello......... one of them just has (fully clothed).........well that was............ dull............harrumph.
D'you think Argos do a Decorative Arrangement of Cobras - 'cause this novelty has gotten old fast.
TUNE: Coroner for the Police - Shot Benny
PS: My short story "The Paper Samurai" will be available on kindle soon :)