Sunday, 24 November 2013

Jane Austen's Dick Joke.

" Her father was a clergyman, without being neglected or poor, and a very respectable man, though his name was Richard - and he had never been handsome." Northanger Abbey, Jane Austen (1803).

That's a dick joke isn't it, or am I missing something?  That's got to be a dick joke.  First page, too.  The saucy mare.  It can't be - can it?

I quite like a bit of Jane Austen now and again - when I feel like a little light romance, usually after something Zombie apocalypsey or deranged serial killery.  I did try a modern romance recently, it was okay - but what mostly put me off it (apart from it being cheesy as hell) was instead of saying that the hero and heroine kissed, the writer would insist on using the phrase: "he took her mouth" or vice versa each and every time! Eowwwww!!! TOOK HER MOUTH?! The question that sprung to mind was - where too and why didn't he take the rest of her?  Nah, give me Jane Austen any day. 

Not all of them, mind you - you won't catch me at any re-enactment society things in a muslin dress and big hat going: "every word is a treasure - I'm sure you agree". There was one I started there a couple of months back called "Mansfield Park" - man! I thought I would go insane with boredom - so I cast the brutish tome into the fire....and then remembered it was on my kindle............ and then that we don't have a fire anymore.  So I picked my kindle off the floor and cast the brutish tome from my carousel and into the cloud, without  so much as by your leave, if you please, so exercised was I by the imprudence of her packing in more unnecessary drivel than even JK managed in "Harry Potter and the Deathly Borings" (which possibly did make it into the fire - probably what put the chimney up once to often for my liking - hence the no fire thing *sigh*  - I miss all those firemen).

Northanger Abbey is good though - she has a fantastic go at intellectual snobbery and there is also a really funny section where, instead of just saying that a particular suitor to our heroine was THE most boring cretin ever to crawl out of a swamp, she describes the subject matter with which he is trying to woo the young lady - namely the low down on the carriage he has just bought: it's splash guards, the wheels, the place for swords; then moves on to how fast his horse can go, how good his dogs are at...being dogs? And then on to how great he is at shooting and how he can show everyone a clean pair of heels at anything, and everybody thinks he's great. Hmmm - the passage of centuries has not changed some things - boring is still boring. 

Right, I'm off to take my own mouth and the rest of me off to go and get on with some sequel writing.  See you later xx

TUNE:  Has to be this :)

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