Hello people of the world - how the hell are you?.........oops......there I go, using my foul language again and offending the masses. Yes, this week I got my first bad review for "Two All - All for One" and it was because I have a potty mouth/pen/laptop keyboard/mind. The lady in question didn't really have anything to say about my story, just that my use of profanity (my word - not hers) was, she suggested, "gratuitous" - definitely her word and not mine (I know, the wee inverted fellows gave that away, sorry). You see now though, I'd disagree, I'd say it is the way certain characters in my story were brought up, and that their hard lives are reflected in their hard language, 'cause not all of them are sweary folk at all. The reviewer even said she tried to quote some of my text (which would have been totally out of context) but it was so rude (or something) Amazon wouldn't let her - "that says it all" she says, with a note of truimph. Quite right, Mrs - you stick it to......me; I'm a menace to society; I am all that's wrong with the world today; I suspect I even love political correctness ( I do - it's called manners) and that I don't think health and safety has gone mad (ermm, not mad exactly, a lot of it's very sensible and the "nanny state" is the result of us becoming as litigious a society as the US) - see, I knew it - I appal myself!!
Now, unlike most of my characters, I'm a right sweary wee bugger, and I have no excuse! My dear Mother used to give me an ear bashing for even saying so much as heck and she NEVER swore (unless you count the very rare "bloody"), and my Dad (sadly no longer pacing this planet - he's partying on another zone, these days) would muster an: Ocht, to hell! if, say, his cracker landed butter-side down on the dog, but that's about it, and, yeah, that actually happened - once at least - and it was a hairy Jack Russell, not even something smooth coated where, bearing the five second rule in mind, he might have got off with it. So, my own personal penchant for the vernacular is a bit of a mystery really. But there you go.
Anyway, as a result I no longer have five lovely shiny gold stars - I have 4 and a half, but that's okay because thanks to some lovely people, I have six BRILLIANT reviews for which I am eternally grateful and made-up to hell about, and with this new one - my one star one - no delicate flower is ever going to accidentally download it again and have to reach for the smelling salts.
If you'd like to know just how offensive my book is, it's on a FREE PROMOTION this weekend!!! Fill your boots, me hearties :) (the blue bit above, that's a link to it by the way).
Yours, Big D
PS: I've got my cover for my short story - The Paper Samurai, and just need to get it proofread then I'll be sticking it on kindle, too and d'you know what - there's barely a swear word in it (well, there's a bloody and a couple of bastards, but that's it!)