Monday, 24 February 2014

Hissy Fit

Yes, I had one tonight - a hissy fit, a meltdown, a moment and I.............deleted the 65,000  odd words  I'd already written of my sequel to "Two All - All for One" because it was annoying me.......do I regret it? Not yet. There was a lot of stuff I liked in there but too much I didn't.  It was too dark and had no point I could put my finger on and I had been really horrible to one of the new characters I really liked - I get a bit attached to them.  

Tomorrow, I will begin again - properly this time - I promise :)

Sunday, 23 February 2014

Things To Be Aware of when Considering Publishing Your Book.

THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T DO:

1. Believe your proof reader has spotted all type-os - turns out they won't have.  Now, if someone asked me to say, sell them a stamp and I sold them half a stamp but charged them for a whole one - I think they'd be justifiably peeved.  So, yeah, I'm justifiably peeved about this.  However, it seems to be how it goes - so if you want a better chance of getting your manuscript checked properly, get it proofread at least twice.

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO:
1. Save lots of money to pay to proofreaders.


For more wise words - go to another blog :)  For great tips on creative writing go to Inside Creative Writings web page and listen to his podcasts (note: try to ignore the seriously cheesy jingle).

Oh, and I finished a short ghost story today called: Medium Rare.

My books can be found at this link :)

Thursday, 20 February 2014

What Have I Gotten Myself Into!

Have just bought a flamenco dress.  Yes I have.  Why?  For the Gaelic Choir of course. WHAAA??
For our Christmas party in March, obviously. Its to have a Spanish theme........don't ask :) ??? :)

HURRAH!!!!! - a running thing.

Yahoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

         That's me doing a lap of honour around the house!

I have done prog. 11 - not just done - I thrashed it - pulled down its trousers and spanked its backside - humiliated it - trashed it - laughed in its face!  I sang (well, screeched) along to "The Phoenix" as I did the bit that felled me last time.

Heheheheheh........bring it on 15.

Parasites

Watched a program last night about parasites.  Fascinating and disgusting in equal measure. It was talking about certain parasites effecting their host to the extend that the host pretty much commits suicide by as good as offering itself up for scoffing to a predator ie a mouse going looking for a cat and making sure it's seen. Plus the parasite slows down responses.  It even showed and infected snail who had changed its feelers/eyes from dull camouflaged brown to undulating oranges and greens like a stripey caterpillar and then instead of hiding under leaves etc was flaunting itself out in the open - basically wearing a sign saying "COME AND GET ME BIRDS! - OVER HERE - MMMMM, I'M TASTY" .  Freaky.

There was even the suggestion that people infected by this parasite (and it's quite a common one) are more likely to behave recklessly; taking risks with their own safety - presumably the parasites idea is that the person will go an pull a lion's whiskers but in the case of the average person this means walking too slowly in front of buses.

Oh man.......do I feel a story coming on :)

Wednesday, 19 February 2014

Five Stars!! Up Yours World!

So - so far this week - I've burned myself, cut myself with a rusty pen knife had my butt kicked by programmes 11 AND now 15 on the treadmill HOWEVER...  I do now have my first review for "The Paper Samurai" and it's five lovely shiny stars.  Hope I live to see another one!

Tuesday, 18 February 2014

Me V Prog 11 - a running thing.

So now it's getting personal.  Did I mention I bought a treadmill just after Christmas.  I got sick of not getting out for a run because of the weather so I invested in a treadmill.  Nearly died when it arrived - it was enormous and our bedroom now looks like the flight deck of the Starship Enterprise.  Oh well. I love it - it's brilliant, and I was battling my way through the built in programmes without any difficulty and then I got to programme 11.

Programme 11 kicked my butt. Programme 11 thinks it's sooooo smart. I have subsequently done prog. 12, 13 and 14 and then I went back to 11 and it got me again...right at the end - it was either force myself and risk cardiac arrest (okay, not that likely, but it felt like it at the time) or press the dreaded red decelerate button and face defeat and listen to programme 11 laughing - yes, laughing - at me and my abject failure.

Well, I don't do treadmill Mondays and Tuesdays because I work all day, but tomorrow - I'm back.  I'm going to do 12, then 14 (13 was really boring) and then I'm going to mount that treadmill, get the programme button all the way up to 11 (wee Spinal Tap reference there) and I'm going to pound it into the floor, leave it for history and move on to 15.

Oh crap - just looked at prog 15 - 6.8mph for 12 minutes - in the middle - not even the end -the middle!? YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME!!!!............I'm dead........................ :S

Monday, 17 February 2014

Karma or something?

So, yesterday I was writing a short ghost story that had popped into my head the day before.  I was getting on fine, nearly done in fact ,and had already decided to call it "Medium Rare", when I nipped off to make a cup of tea...and proceeded to pour it, still boiling hot, over my hand.  Medium rare...maybe not quite, more par-boiled but.......hmmm, as someone just said to me, stay away from stories about meat cleavers for a while :)
PS. I didn't do it on purpose and had to sacrifice four bags of veg to stop it blistering up - flipping idiot :(

Friday, 14 February 2014

A Wee Valentine's Poem

This to all my blog readers, Twitter followers and Facebook chums.


The Frog/Prince Dilema

I'm sure you're not a prince,
I'm almost fairly certain,
And even though my heart protests,
My heart..........well, it's smitten

Your wee green face and browny mottling,
Your buggy eyes and slimy coating,
All add up to make me sure,
That your the one...
My amphibious amour.

So pucker up and stop that squirming,
Prince or frog, this gal aint turning.
You're blood is cold and I aint green, 
So together we're the perfect team.

And finally - in conclusion,
Before you hop to your watery seclusion,
There is one thing I'd like to say-
-decisions made that will hold sway:
I'd miss you if you came back honoured,
Doublet, hose and sword and so on
So though your choices maybe wide ranging -
for me babes - don't go changing! :)


Hahahahah! 

TUNE: the most romantic tune EVER! The Used http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9K5QIw48M30 ( others may come equal first as "the most romantic songs EVER" category but I do love this:)


Thursday, 13 February 2014

Cheating.

This is not a book review because I won't be naming the books. Why? Because I'm a big cheesy coward?  Maybe, but also because this is more of a general thing that I believe from bitching to others, isn't that uncommon in the world of ebooks.

Okay, pin back your eyeballs and get ready to be horrified on my account. There I was reading this particular book, purported to be full length - quite enjoying it, well, enjoying bits of it and skipping other bits because the author kept repeating himself and also because the comedy banter had become a bit tiresome. I thought I still had a fair bit to go and was settled in to enjoy the last quarter...when it ended. Just like that, suddenly, mid-story, and the next page said:  If you want to read more by this author here's a link.
NOT ON YOUR NELLY! NEVER! Dirty trick, I say, dirty trick.  Fool me once blah, blah, you've had all the sterling you'll get from this poor sap, sirrah!

To illustrate my point, let me put the following to you. Imagine you are reading the nativity story for the first time.  You've read how a big, supernatural guy has de-flowered a minor/barely legal teenage girl and how - to add more tension - a scary king had got his knickers in a knot and is planning unspeakable nastiness.  You've slogged your way through the heat and flies with the poor girl balanced precariously on the back of a donkey, accompanied by her loving, loyal (some may suggest gullible) partner; felt relief when they found an Inn; waited with bated breath while the busy Inn Keeper opened his cumbrous accommodation ledger and....the end. WTF!!!

GRRRRRR.

Another one I downloaded recently was a short story - so I expected it to be short - the clue was in the category listing.  However, this was not just short, it was half the read I expected because the second half of the download was the first couple of chapters of one of her full length books - which I'd already read.

Double grrrr.

For a full length read - try my book: Two All - All for One or for a short read, approx 15 pages, my short story:  The Paper Samurai.

Yours, Big D

Wednesday, 12 February 2014

When My Two Brain Cells Collide.

Today, I had a brief but unnerving experience - I thought I have fallen through some sort of time/space warp thingy and ended up in an alternate universe/reality.  That's never happened on a Wednesday before.

There I was doing my regular Wednesday first thing job at work, that being phoning the coal merchants (MacAskill Fuels) for 6 prepacks for the shop. A cheery voice answered the phone: "Hello, Tolsta Community Shop," it said............in slow motion here is my brain digesting this short sentence (bearing in mind,  I was calling from Tolsta Community Shop):

My Brain A (the problem solving section): I've dialled myself? How did I dial myself?
My Brain B (the not very helpful, grumpy bit): Flaming idiot!  How does that work - that's not me on the other end of the line for many, many reasons - not least of which is she sounds quite pleasant.
My Brain A: Where am I again?
My Brain B: *snort* - away with the fairies, out to lunch, chasing your marbles down a steep slope - take your pick babes.
My Brain A: Did I get a job at MacAskill Fuels and forget?
My Brain B:  Again - how the hell does that work?  Are you surrounded by sacks of coal? Did you travel to Stornoway this morning? Or are you in fact sitting at your desk as per a Wednesday morning?  She's just got caller display (the greatest invention of the 21st century) and she's having a laugh! Obviously!!
My Brain A: Ohhhh...I get it now (nodding sagely). No...this is an alternate reality or even universe, which is only fractionally different from the one I'm normally in. Although, clearly, I'm in both or indeed many at the same time. But somehow my awarenesses have got swapped around and instead of ME, this me, phoning MacAskill Fuels for coal, whoever is the Post Mistress/shop manager in Tolsta Community shop in THIS reality is receiving a call from ME - office person at the Coal Merchant.  Wonder why I'm calling - maybe we're out of sticks?
My Brain B:  Oh for the love of.......! I'M OUT OF HERE! *stomp, stomp, stomp*

Next thing I heard down the line was a lot of laughing, and the girl going: "I love doing that!!"

In my defence, we are talking a split second of rumination here, and despite me nearly giving myself a brain hernia (no, I don't mean hemorrhage) it was very funny, mostly because it was so unexpected - they've never really seemed the pranking types.  However, it has left me hoping that somewhere out there, in at least one of my alternate lives, I'm doing something a tad more swash buckling with my allotted span!  :)


 

Sunday, 2 February 2014

Omission

Oops - should have said - my short story "The Paper Samurai" is on a free promotion today, Monday  and Tuesday  - here's the link, in case you fancy a gander :) http://www.amazon.co.uk/Paper-Samurai-Dorothy-Ross-MacIver-ebook/dp/B00HFWT2A0/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1391352266&sr=1-1&keywords=the+paper+samurai

Byeee.

Confessions

Ha! I have a ton of ironing to do - I also have a ton of promoting to do (yes, I've actually been doing it see * at the end) and a ton of writing to do.  Ironing has to take priority right now.  What do I want to listen to whilst participating in this, the most enjoyable and relaxing of household tasks (that's not sarcasm, I actually like ironing) and the answer was - all my Slipknot.  Fine.  Except - I think this is just a reaction to having spent the morning, whilst making the food etc, listening to ....confession time.......RADIO 4!  Fuck it, what can I say, I got hooked on "The Archers" years ago and "Desert Island Discs"- well - it was Whispering Bob Thingy that was on it, and he was good, then it was a comedy show that I like, and  after that a cookery programme.  Cookery programmes on the radio are usually guaranteed to get me all angried up (I have a real bug up my bum about cookery programmes - must have mentioned it?) but it was actually very interesting. DAMN YOU RADIO 4!!  So, I will cleanse myself with Slipknot this afternoon.




* Yeah - weird thing - last Monday and Tuesday I had a free promotion on Two All - All for One (that's my book - this is the link)http://www.amazon.co.uk/Two-All-For-One-ebook/dp/B00D96UV3S/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1391349961&sr=1-1&keywords=dorothy+ross+maciver -
 and you'll never guess - I GOT TO NO.34 IN THE FREE DOWNLOADS FOR CONTEMPRARY FANTASY!  Flip sakes - pretty pleased - also left wondering how few downloads the poor buggers behind me were getting if I was no. 34!!!  Now Two All is back in with the big boys of my genre (the Game of Throne books, Terry Pratchett etc) it's at no.560 - but out of 35,000 odd - niii - I'm happy.


In other news, over dinner today, it turns out my 14 year old son thought he was getting taller than me because I (at 48) was shrinking - hadn't occurred to him that it might be that he was growing :)))  What A doofus :))))


See you soon,
Big D