Saturday, 31 May 2014

10k - I DIDN'T SAY - I FORGOT!!

My 10k time?  it was very close to the speed of light, kind of....well, I'm pretty chuffed with it anyway.  Having NEVER done that distance at less than 70 mins before, last weekend in the race I did it in 57.22 mins *hurrah me*!!!! 

I was 4th in my group. My group is "veteran females" or "VFs" (any person of the female gender over 35 is a VF - I'm 47and 3/4).  The first female in the whole race was a VF! So now I'm working on my speed - fartleks - it's a speed training thing.  This time next year....................:)  

SHOUTING!! and SALVADOR DALI

So I've shouted many things at the children over the years: PUT THAT DOWN! TAKE THAT OUT YOUR EAR!! IS PEEING THERE ENTIRELY NECESSARY?! STOP SAYING IT DOESN'T HURT, OF COURSE IT HURTS, IT'S BROKEN YOU IDIOT!! (that would be to Angus...very high pain threshold), HAVE YOU TAKEN LEAVE OF YOUR SENSES?! (all of them - including my husband), WHO'S UPSTAIRS?! (that would be a Ciorstaidh one),  OH FFS!!! ( also Ciorstaidh, by text - many times),WHAT THE HELL MADE YOU THINK THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA??!!  (all of them) STOP IGNITING THINGS YOU AREN'T CONFIDENT WON'T EXPLODE (Angus).  But I just shouted something up the stairs to James (youngest) this evening that I wouldn't ever have imagined shouting at anyone.   If you said to me: list things you might shout, I wouldn't have listed it outside of my, say, top twenty shouting things and, verily, it was this:

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T APPRECIATE A SALVADOR DALI WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE?!"

Well, that was a first.

See, said painting, below. It's on display at Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum (Glasgow) but if you ask me, it was displayed much better at St Mungo's Museum of Religion (also Glasgow) when they had it.  We went to view it amongst other things when we were on our cultural trip to Glasgow recently, which happened to coincide with "Fall Out Boy" being at the Hydro.  And James didn't even remember it?! OH FFS!!!!

Christ of Saint John of the Cross.jpg




Saturday, 24 May 2014

..............I dunno!!!

Okay, news in brief re my 10k - it was great but....I don't know what my time was.  IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!! This woman passed me when the finish line was in sight (nearly) and I went mental, hit the gas-pedal and sprinted over the finish, leaving the poor unfortunate blone (Lewis word for woman) in my wake.  The thing was, I was going so fast I didn't register what the time was on the clock - I was there and then passed it - flipsakes, although I reckon somewhere aroundish the speed of light, although according to my so called "sports watch" I was going at 15.5k...hurrrmph. I feel a stern letter to the manufacturer is required because I was obvs going AT LEAST  299 792 458 m /s, tsk.

I'l fill you in later when I know - I'm quite excited because I think I have kicked my own arse - as it were but I don't want to say in case I haven't???? 

Friday, 23 May 2014

ANOTHER FREE PROMOTION!!!

HAVE I GONE INSANE! CAN IT BE TRUE?!  BELIEVE  IT, 
                    OH PEOPLE OF THE WORLD 

    ALL MY STUFF (that's two things) WILL BE FREE ON AMAZON IN THE KINDLE STORE ON MONDAY 26TH MAY AND TUESDAY 26TH MAY!!!

WOW, ISN'T THAT EXCITING........................

So, that's my book "Two All - All for One" -  a contemporary fantasy and my short story "The Paper Samurai" - a...story about...a person.......hmmm, I have a really problem categorising "The Paper Samurai"....bitter sweet, romanticy sort-off-ish (answers on a postcard please).

Hope you get them - hope you like them.

My 10k race tomorrow...wish me luck :) 

Thursday, 22 May 2014

DUSTING OFF MY PITCH FORK AND FLAMING TORCH


On Tuesday a very nice woman, new to the village, went to walk her dog on the Traigh Mhor (see picture..... of the beach not of Alice and her Labradoodle!) which is one of the three fine beaches we boast here in Tolsta.

It was about 8:30am when she pulled up in her car - which was difficult enough because of the way camper vans had been parked. Next thing these.....*twitch twitch*.....people alighted from their mobile living-room and told her that locals shouldn't be allowed on the beach before 9am.

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My outrage was outraged when Alice told me this. These "road warriors" had parked up in the car park for free, doubtless having stocked up at Tesco - they certainly didn't buy anything in the village shop 'cause I was behind the counter all Monday and Tuesday - they had access to the toilets, bins and water, to reiterate, for free and they think, they think LOCALS SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED ON THE BEACH BEFORE 9AM!!!!

I was SO mad - still am when I think about it.  It's only a shame they left that morning or they might have found out exactly how noisy it could get down at the Traigh - and at a lot freaking earlier than 8:30am.

The Traigh Mhor - ours for walking on whenever the hell we want, with or without our dogs, cats, sheep, pipe bands, drum kits and whilst singing, dancing and/or shouting if we so wish. DEAL WITH IT.

Monday, 19 May 2014

!"&

Got my race number for this Saturday's 10k.  I've never had a race number before because I've never been in a real race (the sort where you are supposed to be being competitive as opposed to a fun run when you aren't supposed to be but are anyway, but feel bad about it). 
                 And my race number is.......din din din diiiiiin

                                                  127

That's what the title of this post is if you leave the cap. locks on by accident. I was hoping to be able to find some special significance in my number, but I don't.  I asked for 13 so I could blame falling in a ditch, being mauled by hedgehogs and coming last on my number but someone else has bagsed it.  So I'm 127.  One hundred and twenty-seven. Aon ceud fichead sa seachd.  Nope, definitely lacking portent. Tsk.

Tried a new writing thing yesterday.  It felt a little bonkers but since trying it, a writer friend says it's what he does if his plots aren't co-operating, namely:  I decided to ignore all my stories, half stories and sequel.  Two could play at their little game.  So, last night, at a time I would normally have been scurrying off with my laptop and note books and pens, I instead grabbed my kindle and went for a read and what do you know....my ghost story came slinking into my head, tail between it's legs with an improvement that will sort out where it was going wrong....hmph.  Is there anything where playing hard to get doesn't work?  Definitely need to try it on Saturday :)

Saturday, 17 May 2014

Fucking Euphoria....grrrr

So now I'm doing the 10k next week....I signed myself up........oh for the love of.......

5K and "long live the car crash hearts"

Okay, all you seriously fit people, I know 5k is not very far and it's only 3.1 miles and yes, I can run much further and do so regularly, but I like the 5k Womans Cancer Challenge because it is such a friendly race.  All the walkers are cheering you on and clapping.  I even decided not to be a complete killjoy this year and wore the pink t-shirt....shhh...don't tell anyone.

Don't think I've ever felt so crap running though - sore back, dizzy at the beginning - odd - however I took about 6 minutes off my last time and crossed the line at 27 minutes, so I'm pretty chuffed. Thank you, beloved treadmill!

I just wish I hadn't felt the need to start singing at one point - yes - singing.  For the record, I was feeling good at that point and Fall Out Boy came on my ipod doing "Thriller" so I let rip, much to the surprise, I think, of the poor walkers on the other side of the road.  My apologies, ladies, for that particular crime against music. I do have a nasty habit of bursting into song when I'm running from time to time, although usually I am in the middle of a deserted stretch of single-track, and not while surrounded by many people.  Just as well I normally run alone.

So here's to next year and, in case you are interested...here's FOB and Thriller - not my version!

Byexxx 



  


Friday, 16 May 2014

What I Got Last Weekend (and it's not what it sounds like).

I was sorely tempted to entitle this post: "Last Weekend I Got a Shag" but that really sounded much too crude, and we all know how sensitive I am regarding vulgarities. It would have been accurate however, but as hinted at in the actual title, not the to-much-information moment it suggests .  Let me explain....

It was a choir get together. As previously mentioned, I joined Coisir Sgire a'Bhac at the end of last year...that's Back Gaelic Choir....that's a large choral group who perform in the native language of the Highlands and Islands (mostly Islands these days) of Scotland who all come from around the village of Back on the Isle of Lewis.... that's the Hebridean Island I live on, just across the water from God's own country, the Western Highlands of Scotland....that's a geographical....oh, stuff it...this is what google's for.

It was a lot of fun. There was us and members of the other choirs from around Lewis, namely Lochs Choir, Carloway Choir and Tong Choir.  We ate, drank, sang, played some daft games and had a competition. That's when I got a shag.

Question: What is the alternate name for the Common Cormorant?

I couldn't believe my ears! What were the chances? My sisters had oft chanted the following within my hearing (it possibly annoyed me or something): The Common Cormorant or Shag, lays it's eggs in a paper bag.

I very nearly blew it by shouting out the answer! I had to confine myself to a silent lap of honour with my top pulled over my head while genuflecting vigorously. I must say though, I'm glad there wasn't a follow-up question regarding where they lay their eggs  because I seriously doubt the voracity of their preferred nesting spot being in a paper bag, as suggested in the ditty. I mean, I'm no ornithologist but it strikes that the Common Cormorant or Shag - if you will - would possibly be a trifle less common were it normal to utilise such a flimsy receptacle for incubating its eggs.  I'm also very lucky that I cleared a little misunderstanding up with my sisters a long time ago, that being that it wasn't "The Common Cormorant, Orshag, lays etc etc" but was in fact "The Common Cormorant or Shag, lays etc etc"   Hmm, how the hours of our childhood must have flown by?!

I'm doing the 5k Isle of Lewis Woman's Cancer Challenge tomorrow - with any luck my bad leg won't make an arse of me - wish me luck :)

Tuesday, 6 May 2014

FREE PROMOTION!!!

      ROLL UP, ROLL UP - GET FREE STUFF ON ME!


I've finally got around to remembering to do a free promotion. 
(I really do suck at this promotional thing - and not in a dramatic, erotic vampire-y way, more a clogged vacuum cleaner-y kind of way.

Why are they called vacuum cleaners anyway - who's ever heard of a dirty vacuum!  Nor in my vast carpet cleaning experience, do any of the well-known brands suck so hard that they remove all the air from your living-room.  I'm sure they'd have to have some sort of health warning on them if they did: "This product may cause asphyxiation and possibly the explosion or implosion of your head (I'm no expert). A space or diving suit must be worn while operating this machinery - oh, and may contain nuts". There'll be a reason for them being called vacuum cleaners, possibly even a very good one).  Anyhoo...where was I... oh, yeah free promotion....you see that's how bad I am - I've just been distracted before I've hardly started, ruminating on the title inferred on a motorised brush and pan.  Come on, Dorothy - FOCUS...........)

 Both my book - "Two All - For One" and my short story - "The Paper Samurai" are going to be on FREE PROMOTION on the 12th,13th and 14th of this month.

Go on - you know you want to - hell, they're free - what have you got to loose and if you like them, write me a review on Amazon (note the "if you like them part" :))

Tune: Faith - Taking Back Sunday (this song is NOT religious - it's just an unfortunate coincidence the song is called "Faith" and group are "Taking Back Sunday" - no idea why they are called that but, like vacuum cleaners,  I'm sure they have a very good reason.

Monday, 5 May 2014

Some Serious Slacking Off

It is Mr Unbound and I's 25th wedding anniversary today - obviously I was stolen from the crib (hahahaa - NOT).  So I have done nothing - NOTHING - for DAYS as we went away for the weekend to a lovely place called The Lodge on Loch Lomond - it was utterly fabulous.  We even had a sauna in our bedroom! Plus, a wee balcony that looked straight out over the loch. There was a spa attached to the hotel too, just across the carpark.  This is why we chose it; we wanted to do something we hadn't done before.  I did suggest jumping out of an aeroplane but it was not considered an acceptable suggestion by Mr U.

The facilities available in the spa were a pool, a jacuzzi, a steam room, a sauna (yes, another one) and a laconium (not sure I've spelt that right), so various ways to get soaked to the skin and roasting hot.  It was lovely, I do like swimming and as we got the place to our selves when we went over. The only trouble was neither of us are very good at sitting still, at least not without a book, so we would do about five minutes in one of the various hot rooms then get twitchy and move to the next, then back again to one of the ones we'd already been in. I could imagine the attendant shaking his heat thinking: amateurs/hicks from the sticks.

We did much eating and consuming of beverages.  The White Russian I had is definitely my taste buds new favourite thing.  I had to try it, as a Big Labowski fan - for those brief moments that I held it in my hand I was  The Dude, Dudeski, En Dudereeno (phonetics there),

No writing was achieved - I will be knuckling under from now on, I swear!  In the meantime, here's us loving life :)